The challenge for both today was to imagine myself in the others' shoes. I think any mother or wife can benefit from doing this for a whole day or even for just a few minutes. I also joke about E and how I wish the hardest part of my day was deciding what jelly to have on sandwich or someone telling me to sleep. And truthfully, as an adult, wouldn't that be nice. But sometimes I just need to stop for a moment and realize that those ARE challenges for him. Those things are difficult in his world. Because I've outgrown the feeling that those things are difficult, it's easy for me to become frustrated and say "E, would you just CHOOSE already!" or "E, for heaven's sakes, GO TO SLEEP." But I sure would hate it if someone said, "Hey, you, do the freakin' laundry. It's not that hard." I need to try harder to remember that even if I think something seems easy, to his little mind it is a HUGE task. Patience will follow.
As for the Hubs, I definitely need to put myself in his shoes more often. I don't often give him the credit he deserves. Granted, I still think being a stay at home mom is THE hardest job EVER, but he works really dang hard for our family too. Kade works at least 6 days a week, sometimes working two jobs in one day. And while his day job is not physically taxing, it's mentally taxing, and I sometimes forget that. He's a great man, and he does a lot for our family. I'm lucky to have him. A single parent I could not be.
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Day 8: Dates
Please excuse the delay...Things have been...well..NUTS. As usual. Moving on.
Day 8's challenge was simple and to the point. For E: Calculate the number of weekends until he graduates from highschool. Because it's the time of year that graduations happen, I simply multiplied 15 x 52 for a grand total of 780 weekends. That's a lotta weekends, folks. Lemme tell ya why I disliked this challenge. Firstly, I don't think the challenge was intended to make me say, "Wow. I've got plenty of time!" But truly, he's only 3. We've got time. I'm trying my hardest to stay in the moment with E lately, and not wish away his younger years. I don't think moms should be calculating the weekends and days until their child is considered grown. We don't need to look at parenting as a deadline. It's a life-long job. There will be plenty of time for playing ball, going to Disneyland, and camping. I know some parents who would probably sit down and write a list of 780 things to do before graduation. What a waste of our time. Just enjoy the moment you're in. Don't spend the minutes of their childhood planning what to do with the future time. Use the time you're in. I've had a bad habit lately of thinking to myself, "If only he were younger and would let me cuddle him still." or "If only he were older and we could do _____________." Wishing these things doesn't accomplish anything but waste the precious moments I have been given with him now. He's just here in this moment. Take it. Now, I'm not saying that I'm going to enjoy every single minute. If he's having a tantrum and kicking me in the middle of the grocery store while I try to keep smiling and give people the "Oh, I'm such a good mom, because my kid is a terror and I can still smile at him and talk nicely" look, but really I'm thinking "ohmygoshthisissoembarrassingicouldjustdropdeadrighthereinthisaisle"--you can bet I won't be feeling too appreciative. You don't have to enjoy every moment. You should even try. Don't plan on it, Sister! You just have to be there present in the moment. If nothing else, it's good mommy-guilt for later. Just picture it-- "E, you have to come weed my garden, because this one time when you were three *Insert horrible parenting moment here*"
Now, for Kade today all I had to do was put a date night on the calendar for the month. This is tricky for us, Ladies and Gentlemen. We don't always know our schedule until the day of. And even if we have a date planned, if someone calls and offers Kade or I a chance to go make some bucks, we go make some bucks. But I am going to make a sincere effort to follow through and make a date night happen for us this month. When we were newlyweds, we went on a date every single Friday even on our extremely meager budget. But as it happens in marriage, we had these tiny people move into our house, and suddenly no more dates. This is okay. We like being at home with our babies or going to do family activities. I had a seminary teacher say, "If you don't date your spouse, someone else will!" Um..yikes. Please, no one else date Kade. I promise I'll do it. My favorite dates are the times we pop popcorn or make dip and stay up late playing board games and acting like idiots together. Who wouldn't love that? So, here's to date-night. Let's make it happen!
Day 8's challenge was simple and to the point. For E: Calculate the number of weekends until he graduates from highschool. Because it's the time of year that graduations happen, I simply multiplied 15 x 52 for a grand total of 780 weekends. That's a lotta weekends, folks. Lemme tell ya why I disliked this challenge. Firstly, I don't think the challenge was intended to make me say, "Wow. I've got plenty of time!" But truly, he's only 3. We've got time. I'm trying my hardest to stay in the moment with E lately, and not wish away his younger years. I don't think moms should be calculating the weekends and days until their child is considered grown. We don't need to look at parenting as a deadline. It's a life-long job. There will be plenty of time for playing ball, going to Disneyland, and camping. I know some parents who would probably sit down and write a list of 780 things to do before graduation. What a waste of our time. Just enjoy the moment you're in. Don't spend the minutes of their childhood planning what to do with the future time. Use the time you're in. I've had a bad habit lately of thinking to myself, "If only he were younger and would let me cuddle him still." or "If only he were older and we could do _____________." Wishing these things doesn't accomplish anything but waste the precious moments I have been given with him now. He's just here in this moment. Take it. Now, I'm not saying that I'm going to enjoy every single minute. If he's having a tantrum and kicking me in the middle of the grocery store while I try to keep smiling and give people the "Oh, I'm such a good mom, because my kid is a terror and I can still smile at him and talk nicely" look, but really I'm thinking "ohmygoshthisissoembarrassingicouldjustdropdeadrighthereinthisaisle"--you can bet I won't be feeling too appreciative. You don't have to enjoy every moment. You should even try. Don't plan on it, Sister! You just have to be there present in the moment. If nothing else, it's good mommy-guilt for later. Just picture it-- "E, you have to come weed my garden, because this one time when you were three *Insert horrible parenting moment here*"
Now, for Kade today all I had to do was put a date night on the calendar for the month. This is tricky for us, Ladies and Gentlemen. We don't always know our schedule until the day of. And even if we have a date planned, if someone calls and offers Kade or I a chance to go make some bucks, we go make some bucks. But I am going to make a sincere effort to follow through and make a date night happen for us this month. When we were newlyweds, we went on a date every single Friday even on our extremely meager budget. But as it happens in marriage, we had these tiny people move into our house, and suddenly no more dates. This is okay. We like being at home with our babies or going to do family activities. I had a seminary teacher say, "If you don't date your spouse, someone else will!" Um..yikes. Please, no one else date Kade. I promise I'll do it. My favorite dates are the times we pop popcorn or make dip and stay up late playing board games and acting like idiots together. Who wouldn't love that? So, here's to date-night. Let's make it happen!
Monday, May 7, 2012
Day 7: Dear Easton...
Today's challenge is to leave a sweet note for both of my boys. Easton can't read, so I'm writing this post for him. Someday he'll read it, and it will bless us.
Dear Easton,
Right now at this moment you are upstairs asleep in my bed. It was a fight for me to get you to sleep. I think someday it will be a fight to get you out of bed. I don't know how old you will be when you read this, or if you ever will, but it's important for me to write this letter to you now, while you're so young. You are nearly 3 1/2 years old right now. You are such a sweet little boy. I love you so much that sometimes I feel like my heart might really explode. I'm trying to think about what you might need me to say to you (the future you) when you read this. I hope you know how loved you are. I hope I tell you everyday. I hope you tell me everyday. You are the best brother I have ever seen. I hope that you still read to Alivia. I hope you still tell her she's gorgeous. I hope you still feel extreme joy whenever she smiles just for you. You've recently become such a Daddy's boy. I hope you still look forward to seeing him everyday. I hope you still look just like him. Secretly, I hope you still team up with him to make me nuts. The thing I love most about you right now is your contagious excitement for the little things in life. I feel so blessed to have you. Last night, I was telling Dada how awesome you are and how cool it is that we got to have kids in these days. Let me explain...Think of all the millions and billions of people that have already come this world. Daddy and I got to have the most special babies, because you were so great and so strong that Heavenly Father waited until these times to send you here. That shows that you are an extraordinary little person. You're so stubborn, and though that makes me crazy sometimes, I know that it means you will be stubborn about other things in life and this is a trait you will need to have as you grow. Please, be strong. Please, be courageous. Remember that you belong to a Chosen Generation. You will witness great things in your life. You will DO great things in your life. I am already so proud of you. You are my first born, my son. You will always be special to me. I love you to end of the world.
Love, Mama.
Dear Easton,
Right now at this moment you are upstairs asleep in my bed. It was a fight for me to get you to sleep. I think someday it will be a fight to get you out of bed. I don't know how old you will be when you read this, or if you ever will, but it's important for me to write this letter to you now, while you're so young. You are nearly 3 1/2 years old right now. You are such a sweet little boy. I love you so much that sometimes I feel like my heart might really explode. I'm trying to think about what you might need me to say to you (the future you) when you read this. I hope you know how loved you are. I hope I tell you everyday. I hope you tell me everyday. You are the best brother I have ever seen. I hope that you still read to Alivia. I hope you still tell her she's gorgeous. I hope you still feel extreme joy whenever she smiles just for you. You've recently become such a Daddy's boy. I hope you still look forward to seeing him everyday. I hope you still look just like him. Secretly, I hope you still team up with him to make me nuts. The thing I love most about you right now is your contagious excitement for the little things in life. I feel so blessed to have you. Last night, I was telling Dada how awesome you are and how cool it is that we got to have kids in these days. Let me explain...Think of all the millions and billions of people that have already come this world. Daddy and I got to have the most special babies, because you were so great and so strong that Heavenly Father waited until these times to send you here. That shows that you are an extraordinary little person. You're so stubborn, and though that makes me crazy sometimes, I know that it means you will be stubborn about other things in life and this is a trait you will need to have as you grow. Please, be strong. Please, be courageous. Remember that you belong to a Chosen Generation. You will witness great things in your life. You will DO great things in your life. I am already so proud of you. You are my first born, my son. You will always be special to me. I love you to end of the world.
Love, Mama.
Day 6: The way to their hearts...
Day 6's challenge was to make/buy my boys their favorite food. I should have been more prepared for this, and it was bad luck that it fell on Sunday so there could be no buying involved. They had to choose from things in the house to eat. Instead asking E what his favorite food was (and therefore having him name a food I didn't have and couldn't get which leads to a fit instead of closeness...), I allowed him to eat pretty much whatever he wanted yesterday. Lucky for me, Easton loves fruit and vegetables, so it wasn't the junk fest most parents would imagine. I don't think this one did much for us as far as feeling close and building our relationship. I might repeat this challenge on a day when we can go out to eat or make a trip to the store.
What did Kade choose? Nachos. Of all the things....he chose nachos. So, after church I made him (and myself) a gigantic plate of delicious nachos. It was actually a very good choice. Our tummies thanked us.
I cook for my family a lot and try to make yummy, healthy meals that my family enjoys. So, I don't feel like this challenge was particularly great for us. If I didn't cook or bake everyday, then I can see how this would be more beneficial. After all, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach right? But I will say that I'm pretty sure Kade's favorite part about me being a stay at home mom is that fact that he has a home cooked meal waiting on the table almost every night when he gets home. I enjoy cooking for my family and trying new recipes. I'd love to know--- what meal do you make that is always a crowd-pleaser?
What did Kade choose? Nachos. Of all the things....he chose nachos. So, after church I made him (and myself) a gigantic plate of delicious nachos. It was actually a very good choice. Our tummies thanked us.
I cook for my family a lot and try to make yummy, healthy meals that my family enjoys. So, I don't feel like this challenge was particularly great for us. If I didn't cook or bake everyday, then I can see how this would be more beneficial. After all, the way to a man's heart is through his stomach right? But I will say that I'm pretty sure Kade's favorite part about me being a stay at home mom is that fact that he has a home cooked meal waiting on the table almost every night when he gets home. I enjoy cooking for my family and trying new recipes. I'd love to know--- what meal do you make that is always a crowd-pleaser?
Day 5: Remember these words
Day 5 was interesting for me. It was simple challenge. For Easton- "Tell yourself "He's only 3 years old, and then treat him that way." For Kade- "Tell yourself "He really loves our family, and he's doing his best for us."
Let's start with the marriage challenge for the day, shall we? The timing was serendipitous (fun word, huh?). As I said in my post about Day 4, Kade was out of town last weekend umpiring a tournament in Wendover. I appreciate so much that he takes his time (and vacation days) to travel out of town to make extra money for our family. Even though being home alone for days with 2 children and no break is hard on me, I know that it's just as hard for him to leave us behind and work for 2 days straight (and I really mean STRAIGHT). I am so lucky to be married to a man whose love for sports has proved to be not just a talent and hobby, but a really big money maker for our family. Without his umpiring money, there is no way that I would be able to stay at home and raise our children. So on Saturday, while I feeling crazy and overwhelmed by single-parenting it was nice to be able to stop and say "He loves us and he's away so he can help us." It helped to renew me and remind me that this is what he does for our family, and what I can do is be home with our children and take care of our home. Sounds like a nice deal to me. Thanks, Kade, for all you do for our family. --I think he'll be really proud for me to tell you that by the end of this month he will have umpired nearly 100 games this year alone.
For E...Well...This week has been rough for us. I don't know why, but he's decided to start biting. I thought at this point, we'd have skipped the biting phase, but apparently he wants to be sure that I don't miss out on any of the joys of parenting. I've been trying a lot lately to help him recognize his feelings and tell me about them. He doesn't seem to understand that yet, but I'm going to keep trying. So in the midst of the tantrums on Saturday, I would stop him and say, "Easton, what's wrong? How are you feeling?" Now you would think that if he's having a fit, I should know how he's feeling. But, he could feel sad, mad, scared, hurt, etc. I can't help him calm down, if I don't know what he's feeling. Like I said, he doesn't get this question very well yet. So, in keeping with my challenge, I thought- How can I help him understand this or how can I help him calm down? Because he's only three, I have decided that my best tool is distraction. His attention span is very short. I have been very successful with this one. While he's rolling around, kicking, screaming, biting things, I look for a way to distract him from whatever he's feeling. Some good ways I've learned-- "Easton, what can you hear/see outside?" or when we're in public, "Easton, I spy with my little eye something...." Instead of distracting him with rewards and treats like I used to do in desperation, these little tricks are REALLY helping us. When he's calm, then I can talk to him about how he feels or what's bothering him. If it doesn't work, then I use my old sentence, "Easton, I'm feeling angry. I need to leave and take a time out." And yesterday after church, I decided to try something new. "Easton, I need to say a prayer so that I can calm down and know how to help you." Then, I do just that. I kneel down and say a prayer in front of him. I want him to see that when I need help, I turn to my Heavenly Father. I'm hoping that these little things start to make difference in his life soon and in mine, because he's getting a little out of control. Any other moms reading this-- PLEASE tell me-- HOW do you get your child to be obedient without screaming fits?
Let's start with the marriage challenge for the day, shall we? The timing was serendipitous (fun word, huh?). As I said in my post about Day 4, Kade was out of town last weekend umpiring a tournament in Wendover. I appreciate so much that he takes his time (and vacation days) to travel out of town to make extra money for our family. Even though being home alone for days with 2 children and no break is hard on me, I know that it's just as hard for him to leave us behind and work for 2 days straight (and I really mean STRAIGHT). I am so lucky to be married to a man whose love for sports has proved to be not just a talent and hobby, but a really big money maker for our family. Without his umpiring money, there is no way that I would be able to stay at home and raise our children. So on Saturday, while I feeling crazy and overwhelmed by single-parenting it was nice to be able to stop and say "He loves us and he's away so he can help us." It helped to renew me and remind me that this is what he does for our family, and what I can do is be home with our children and take care of our home. Sounds like a nice deal to me. Thanks, Kade, for all you do for our family. --I think he'll be really proud for me to tell you that by the end of this month he will have umpired nearly 100 games this year alone.
For E...Well...This week has been rough for us. I don't know why, but he's decided to start biting. I thought at this point, we'd have skipped the biting phase, but apparently he wants to be sure that I don't miss out on any of the joys of parenting. I've been trying a lot lately to help him recognize his feelings and tell me about them. He doesn't seem to understand that yet, but I'm going to keep trying. So in the midst of the tantrums on Saturday, I would stop him and say, "Easton, what's wrong? How are you feeling?" Now you would think that if he's having a fit, I should know how he's feeling. But, he could feel sad, mad, scared, hurt, etc. I can't help him calm down, if I don't know what he's feeling. Like I said, he doesn't get this question very well yet. So, in keeping with my challenge, I thought- How can I help him understand this or how can I help him calm down? Because he's only three, I have decided that my best tool is distraction. His attention span is very short. I have been very successful with this one. While he's rolling around, kicking, screaming, biting things, I look for a way to distract him from whatever he's feeling. Some good ways I've learned-- "Easton, what can you hear/see outside?" or when we're in public, "Easton, I spy with my little eye something...." Instead of distracting him with rewards and treats like I used to do in desperation, these little tricks are REALLY helping us. When he's calm, then I can talk to him about how he feels or what's bothering him. If it doesn't work, then I use my old sentence, "Easton, I'm feeling angry. I need to leave and take a time out." And yesterday after church, I decided to try something new. "Easton, I need to say a prayer so that I can calm down and know how to help you." Then, I do just that. I kneel down and say a prayer in front of him. I want him to see that when I need help, I turn to my Heavenly Father. I'm hoping that these little things start to make difference in his life soon and in mine, because he's getting a little out of control. Any other moms reading this-- PLEASE tell me-- HOW do you get your child to be obedient without screaming fits?
Day 4: A smoochy smoochy
I apologize for my absence. I wasn't being forgetful. I had a good reason for waiting, and I'll tell you it later.
Have you noticed that the challenges are similar for my children and my husband? It is making things pretty easy on me. Day 4 was no exception.
The mommy challenge for the day was to kiss my children while they sleep. Well, let me tell you, I do this every single day anyway. It's said that most mothers don't sleep through the night- no matter the age of their children. This seems obvious to me, but I am a mother. I check on my kids multiple times a night. Is there anything so sweet as a sleeping child? A looks so sweet snuggle in bed like a little burrito, still sucking away even though she's long lost her binky. I can't help but kiss her little squishy face. But, still, it doesn't top a sleeping Easton. No talking yelling, running, whining. Just sweet sleep. He sleeps like his dad-- all spread out, mouth hanging open. He even talks in his sleep. It's all I can do not to set up camp for the night next to him so I can just stare at his precious face and run my fingers through his hair. So, that being said, Day 4 was no problem for me. It's important to take those moments with your children even if they never know it. Some days, it the only peaceful moment I have with my children the whole day.
Now- the reason for my absence is the same reason I wasn't able to complete Day 4 with Kade. The marriage challenge was to kiss my husband the first time I saw him that day. Well, that would be great except Kade left at 5:30 am for the whole weekend. I didn't see him on Day 4. I waited to post this day, because I didn't want to publish that my husband was out of town. I already think every noise in the night a rapist/killer/kidnapper/demon without me informing the world that I'm home alone. I think most women can understand and forgive me of that.
I'm not sure if I will revisit Day 4 for Kade either, because there are few things in this world that bother me more than bad breath. Morning kissing isn't something that's likely to make me feel close to him. :)
Have you noticed that the challenges are similar for my children and my husband? It is making things pretty easy on me. Day 4 was no exception.
The mommy challenge for the day was to kiss my children while they sleep. Well, let me tell you, I do this every single day anyway. It's said that most mothers don't sleep through the night- no matter the age of their children. This seems obvious to me, but I am a mother. I check on my kids multiple times a night. Is there anything so sweet as a sleeping child? A looks so sweet snuggle in bed like a little burrito, still sucking away even though she's long lost her binky. I can't help but kiss her little squishy face. But, still, it doesn't top a sleeping Easton. No t
Now- the reason for my absence is the same reason I wasn't able to complete Day 4 with Kade. The marriage challenge was to kiss my husband the first time I saw him that day. Well, that would be great except Kade left at 5:30 am for the whole weekend. I didn't see him on Day 4. I waited to post this day, because I didn't want to publish that my husband was out of town. I already think every noise in the night a rapist/killer/kidnapper/demon without me informing the world that I'm home alone. I think most women can understand and forgive me of that.
I'm not sure if I will revisit Day 4 for Kade either, because there are few things in this world that bother me more than bad breath. Morning kissing isn't something that's likely to make me feel close to him. :)
Friday, May 4, 2012
Day 3: Hugs all around
What can I say about day 3 except that it was piece of cake (partially)?! Day 3's challenge was to hug Kade and my kids each 3 times. As far as the kids go, that's easy-peasy. I can't get enough of E's little arms around my neck and squishing Lou's tiny body with a hug. Piece. Of. Cake.
Now, for some reason, I didn't manage to make this one happen with Kade and I felt pretty dang bad about it. 3 hugs. Why would that be harder than not correcting him or asking to do a favor for him? I'm blaming it on our hectic lives. Yesterday was especially hectic. He worked til 5, we fed the missionaries and my lovely friend, N, then we helped friends move, had a fire with the neighbors, and rolled into bed exhausted after 11. We were going, going, going all day. Which is exactly why I SHOULD HAVE taken the time to say "STOP!" Just for 5 seconds, I could have stopped and made sure that Kade got a hug. Or two. Or three. But I didn't. For shame. And the worst part is that I distinctly remember him trying to stop me for a hug, and instead of going with it, I did what I usually did and got irritated. How dare he stop me dead in my tracks, and make me slow down my crazy pace for 2 seconds to say hello and show him that I love him? Seriously? The nerve....
So, I will try this day again for him, because it's important and because he deserves it.
Now, for some reason, I didn't manage to make this one happen with Kade and I felt pretty dang bad about it. 3 hugs. Why would that be harder than not correcting him or asking to do a favor for him? I'm blaming it on our hectic lives. Yesterday was especially hectic. He worked til 5, we fed the missionaries and my lovely friend, N, then we helped friends move, had a fire with the neighbors, and rolled into bed exhausted after 11. We were going, going, going all day. Which is exactly why I SHOULD HAVE taken the time to say "STOP!" Just for 5 seconds, I could have stopped and made sure that Kade got a hug. Or two. Or three. But I didn't. For shame. And the worst part is that I distinctly remember him trying to stop me for a hug, and instead of going with it, I did what I usually did and got irritated. How dare he stop me dead in my tracks, and make me slow down my crazy pace for 2 seconds to say hello and show him that I love him? Seriously? The nerve....
So, I will try this day again for him, because it's important and because he deserves it.
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